Empathy A Leader's Super Power

Empathy Empowers Influence

According to Merriam-Webster, empathy is "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another." Essentially, it's the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and comprehend their emotions from their perspective.

Empathy transcends buzzwords; it's a proven driver of leadership effectiveness. Studies, notably, Harvard Business Review analysis, consistently reveal that leaders who prioritize empathy achieve measurable results. Understanding and validating employee emotions directly correlates with improved retention and team cohesion. This fosters a culture of psychological safety, empowering individuals and elevating overall performance. For leaders seeking to enhance their influence and impact, developing empathy is a practical and powerful investment.

To truly understand and share interest in the feelings of others, you must first possess a clear understanding of your own emotional landscape. Empathy begins with comfortable self-awareness because recognizing your own emotions, triggers, and biases allows you to separate your experiences from those of another. When you are attuned to your internal state, you can more accurately perceive and validate the emotions of others, rather than projecting your own feelings onto them. This foundation of self-knowledge creates the head space necessary for genuine connection and compassionate listening.

More than just spoken words, our communication relies on tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions to reveal our true thoughts and feelings. When practicing empathy, self-awareness is paramount. Understanding our own beliefs, values, and reactions to trigger words allows us to maintain consistency between our verbal communication and nonverbal cues. This alignment is essential for fostering genuine empathy and maintaining influence, as any disconnect between our words and reactions can undermine trust and create conflict.

Six STEPS ON THE PATH TO EMPATHY!

• Be an attentive listener
• Acknowledge Other’s Feelings
• Be genuinely curious about their experience
• Discover similarities
• Imagine yourself in their shoes
• Share who you are

Empathy in communication isn't a formulaic step-by-step guide, but a fluid dance of connection.  It begins with attentive listening, a skill far beyond simply asking questions. True listening is about creating a safe space for others to share. We create this safe space by leaning in, both figuratively and literally. Shifting your stance to move in as if to be ready for physical and emotional support is a powerful posture for communicating authentic concern. Leaning in assumes a posture that invites, “tell me more.” In fact you might accompany the posture with a moment of eye contact and an assuring “tell me more” leading into strategic questions.  Strategic questioning becomes an art form, focused on understanding, not interrogation. This requires practice, so you’re present and responsive, not mentally scrambling for the next query. Remember, your body language and micro-expressions betray any disconnect. Using questions gives the respondent permission to continue sharing and leaves you with valuable information for healthy connection.

Next, acknowledging feelings anchors the conversation in the present. It's about showing you're truly hearing them, not rushing to the next encounter.  Acknowledgement also gives you space in your own head to analyze what you are learning and how to proceed with questions while not appearing to zone out. Reflecting, paraphrasing, or even framing their words with gentle questions demonstrates your engagement. Be mindful that acknowledging is not validating; it's recognizing their experience without claiming to fully judge its validity. I find that attempting to validate the persons feelings may muddy the connection and is rarely needed for progress or growth in the connection.

Genuine curiosity comes across as acknowledgement and fuels deeper understanding. Use open-ended, explorative questions to uncover the nuances of their experience. 'How did you cope?' or 'What happened next?' invites them to share more. This curiosity naturally leads to discovering similarities, the bedrock of empathy. Look for shared experiences, common ground. Resist the urge to immediately share your own story. Instead, listen intently, finding the threads that connect you. In fact, I avoid talking about myself, services or products until I can relate with a story creates common ground or demonstrates the resolution of a similar situation.

Finally, share who you are strategically. When you've identified a shared experience or a way your story can illuminate their situation or offer a solution, then, and only then, share. This creates a powerful 'BAM' moment of connection, built on genuine understanding and shared experience.

This process isn't a rigid sequence. It's a dynamic interplay of listening, acknowledging, exploring, and connecting. Sometimes, you might find yourself moving back and forth between these elements, guided by the flow of the conversation. The key is to remain present, genuinely curious, and focused on building a meaningful connection. Sometimes the dance toward empathy happens in only a few steps in seconds or minutes and at other times follow up conversations are needed.

Imagine Sarah, a team member, visibly stressed during a project debrief. Instead of jumping to solutions, her leader, Michael, practiced attentive listening, noticing her tense posture and furrowed brow. He acknowledged her feelings, saying, "I'm hearing you're feeling overwhelmed." Through genuine curiosity, he asked, "What aspects are proving most challenging?" This led to discovering a shared experience—they both had faced similar time constraints in past projects. Michael strategically shared his own coping strategies, not to overshadow Sarah, but to show her she wasn’t alone. By sharing this, Michael didn’t just offer advice; he created a 'BAM' moment of connection, transforming a stressful situation into a shared experience of understanding and support. This illustrates the power of the empathy dance: it’s not about following steps, but about being present, responsive, and genuinely connected, creating moments of meaningful impact.